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Guest
·CANADIAN JOKE #1
After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents
decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says,
"Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give
me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky
Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Molson sits
down and says, "Give me a Coke."
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you
drinking a Molson's?" The Molson president replies,
"Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I.
CANADIAN JOKE #2
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of
beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."
CANADIAN JOKE #3
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie . He went to the neurosurgeon and
asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a
Newfie?". "Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do
is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie." The Ontarian was very
pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's
knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon
accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain.
He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's
bed as the patient recovered from the anaesthetic. As soon as the
patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there
was a ghastly accident.
Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of
your brain."The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"
CANADIAN JOKE #4
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia?
The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling
the pins and throwing them back.
CANADIAN JOKE #5
In Ontario and Quebec, we have two seasons...six months of winter and
six months of poor snowmobiling.
CANADIAN JOKE #6
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub
together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they
were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their
pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The
American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking
it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and
started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU
BASTARD!!!"
CANADIAN JOKE #7
A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some
pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette
pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.
CANADIAN JOKE #8
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They
were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died
before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the
American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and
nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I
remember the
crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and
the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us
and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of
$50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and
gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the
other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was
haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay
his."
After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents
decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says,
"Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give
me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky
Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Molson sits
down and says, "Give me a Coke."
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you
drinking a Molson's?" The Molson president replies,
"Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I.
CANADIAN JOKE #2
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of
beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."
CANADIAN JOKE #3
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie . He went to the neurosurgeon and
asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a
Newfie?". "Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do
is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie." The Ontarian was very
pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's
knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon
accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain.
He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's
bed as the patient recovered from the anaesthetic. As soon as the
patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there
was a ghastly accident.
Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of
your brain."The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"
CANADIAN JOKE #4
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia?
The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling
the pins and throwing them back.
CANADIAN JOKE #5
In Ontario and Quebec, we have two seasons...six months of winter and
six months of poor snowmobiling.
CANADIAN JOKE #6
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub
together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they
were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their
pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The
American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking
it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and
started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU
BASTARD!!!"
CANADIAN JOKE #7
A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some
pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette
pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.
CANADIAN JOKE #8
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They
were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died
before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the
American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and
nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I
remember the
crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and
the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us
and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of
$50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and
gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the
other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was
haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay
his."
